Lately, I had a breakthrough in my relationship with money. I realized that not only I was trying to make myself feel better through money but I would probably panic at the thought of having too much money.
We all attach certain emotions to money.
These emotions were first felt in our childhood. Back then we felt similar emotions as our parents because we were only able to feel what our parents felt about money. If our mother was really worried about money, we’d think that worrying about money is normal and acceptable.
I learned these from my parents’ relationship with money:
-Having (plenty of) money causes fights and discomfort (my folks would often fight about money)
-Rich people are to be looked down upon (my father loved to criticize rich and affluent people-this was his way of expressing his disappointment about not achieving his own goals)
-The more money you have, the more likely it is to get into debt to by more stuff (there is never enough, you always need more and more and more)
-It is OK not to pay your bills and fines
-Cheap stuff is better than the expensive stuff
-Poor people are to be looked down upon
-Budgeting is for people who have plenty of money
-Money is not to be enjoyed (it only serves for survival)
-Going on a vacation is for people with plenty of money
-Being unemployed is not acceptable (my parents were never unemployed)
Although I do love my parents (we don’t have a relationship but it doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings for them), I think their limiting beliefs affected my relationship with money significantly.
Is it wrong to have negative beliefs about money?
If a limiting belief is negative AND it affects your life in a negative way, then yes, it’s wrong. However, if your money beliefs don’t intrude upon your life then you don’t need to worry.
My limiting beliefs about finances affect me to a high degree. Sometimes I become anxious at the mere thought of checking my bank account. I feel terrible about not earning my desired income and deep down, I feel as if I’ve let my parents down by NOT being successful.
I feel as if I’ve let my parents down by not being successful.
If your relationship with money has been negatively affected by your parents’ beliefs about money, then you need to accept that and take action to change it. Know that your parents did the best they could with what they had at that time. Who knows, maybe they had slightly better money beliefs that their own parents and grandparents.
If you’re in your 30’s like me, it means that your parents are well into their 50’s or 60’s. Imagine how lower the world’s consciousness was in the 1940’s in comparison with today. They probably didn’t have access to therapy or financial coaching back in the time.
This means that they indeed tried their best to educate you about your finances and how the world works-even if, their best might not be what you need right now.
Mo’ Money, ‘Mo Problems
Do you remember the Notorious B.I.G singing ‘Mo’ Money, Mo’ Problems’ back in 2006? I know it’s a hip hop song but don’t dismiss what the pop culture is thinking and saying about money.
The people who wrote that song were too raised to believe that having (a lot of) money invites problems into one’s life.
I don’t know what they want from me
It’s like the more money we come across
The more problems we see
This is a dangerous mindset where the money is seen as something dangerous, mischevious or evil.
However, money in itself doesn’t have any meaning. It only takes on the meaning that your subconscious mind gives it. If you believe that acquiring money invites all sorts of problems in your life, then your life will reflect this belief. You will find yourself into all sorts of trouble when you make more money than you’re usually making.
I, on the other hand, don’t believe that money attracts problems. However, the thought of managing a huge amount of money every month brings me a lot of anxiety. That’s because I witnessed my parents worrying when a huge pile of money would come their way. And, because they worried about that, they took the wrong financial decisions. (they’d spend that pile of money fast so that, after a while, they had nothing to show for)
For them, it was terrifying to have money and terrifying to be without money. Quite a dilemma, don’t you think?
What does it mean to have ‘a lot of money’?
It means to earn double or triple the amount you are usually earning.
For example, if you’re currently earning $2000/month, a huge amount for you would be $4000 or even $6000. This would probably bring panic in your subconscious mind and you would either:
Scenario 1: get rid of the money fast (in order to maintain your peace of mind-remember that your subconscious believes that having a lot of money is dangerous)
Scenario 2: not spend any dime at all, thinking that this is a one-time thing, an accident, an abomination.
Here, you think you need to hold onto this pile of money for a long time in case you become poor again.
Does this sound familiar?
I bet it does.
But I do really want money! And I love to make money!
Loving money doesn’t necessarily make you READY to handle a huge pile of money coming to you on a monthly basis.
Many people say that they love relationships and would love to have someone to share their life with. However, you mostly see these people spending time on dating apps and never progressing after the stage of the first date. That’s because they have blocks around romantic relationships in the form of commitment fears, abandonment issues, relationship anxiety, trauma and so on. They do indeed love relationships but they’re subconsciously afraid of them. (BTW, you can’t have what you’re afraid of!)
Same thing with money. Although you DO love money and have set this goal to earn $10.000 a month doing what you love, you can’t. That’s because your subconscious mind STILL sees money dangerous to your survival, as something to be avoided and discarded.
What to do?
The solution here is simple really. I know you might think that this requires a lot of work and perhaps 10 or 20 years of therapy sessions. Oh, no.
The solution is to just undo the terrible feelings and emotions you have associated with (a lot of) money and find ways to feel good about it.
This might also mean to do mindset work and maybe coaching with a business or financial coach who knows how to shift your negative beliefs around earning money.
But you can start small by just doing things with money that means MORE than just survival. Perhaps you might wanna try going to a restaurant you like once a month and not worry about the bill, or buying a new book to nurture your mind. Maybe you love to go hiking. Why not plan a trip to your nearest nature or forest spot?
That money you spend organizing the trip will give positive feedback to your subconscious mind-telling it that you DO enjoy the money. That money is used for your JOY and PLEASURE and not only for your bills and groceries.
Maybe you can start making a budget that doesn’t restrict your life and make you miserable.
But really, what works is just re-writing the past when it comes to money. Go back into every negative money memory you have in your childhood and release the emotion that is attached to it.
This is an advanced spiritual work that requires the help of a financial therapist or coach.
Here are a few resources for you:
www.amandafrances.com (simply, one of the best in the money mindset and money coaching area, although her classes require a bit of investment)
www.tehfinancialcoaching.com (a genuine and very down to earth financial coach who taps into your subconscious beliefs about money)
www.totalwealthcoaching.com (by financial and wealth coach, Kate Philips)
www.wealthy-money.com (Vangile’s articles really helped me break through major money beliefs)
All in all, if you find yourself worried about that next big promotion or that new client who promised to pay you double the amount of money you asked for, remind yourself that it’s your monkey brain wreaking havoc in your current reality.
Your monkey brain doesn’t want you to attract more money because it associates wealth and prosperity with the painful memories of your past.
But you can do something! You can take action now to change your money fears. You can re-write your most painful beliefs about money with the help of a financial or money mindset coach. That way you can win the battle over your subconscious mind and earn more!
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