In a New Yorker article I read a while ago, a woman explains how her money problems have been created by an event where she was raped.
She talked about how the event made her lose her job and rely on benefits to survive. Moreover, each time she received financial help that was given to victims of crime, she’d become increasingly sad. She’d avoid anything that had to do with money (budgeting, spending, looking at her bills).
In therapy, she learned that she associated money with loss and sadness. She felt as if she needed to avoid money to forget about being raped.
Money And Our Negative Feelings
It is hard to have a relationship with money when we have been hurt or something bad happened to us. Negative feelings are the most dangerous to our bank account. That’s because it will stop us from taking action to earn more money and better our lives.
Have you heard of those people who have not set foot outside their home in years? That’s exactly how someone who has unresolved trauma will behave with money.
Metaphorically speaking, they will not set foot in their financial reality and instead, they will lock themselves inside their mind. They will stop connecting with people who will give them new jobs and opportunities. They’ll feel like outcasts.
When you go through trauma, your sense of safety is compromised. You will start looking at the world as an unsafe place to be in. You will avoid meeting new people for fear you’ll run into another abusive person and experience the same trauma.
If something happened to you which affected your ability to earn money, know that you’re not alone. Trauma affects people of all ages and under all walks of life. It is enough to witness a shooting in your neighborhood to develop traumatic feelings.
Abusive relationships will also make you develop traumas that you’ll have a hard time dealing with.
Narcissistic abuse is becoming more common nowadays.
Victims of narcissistic abuse are often blind to the abuse they experience. That’s because they’re unable to recognize emotionally abusive people in their environment. It takes them a while to put the finger on the problem and state it as it is. Then, there is the difficulty of breaking up with a narcissistic partner. This is a difficult step to take and many are unable to do so.
What to do about our feelings?
If you want to make peace with money, you first need to make peace with your feelings. Burying your sadness or anger deep in your subconscious is a dangerous tactic so, stop doing that. Instead, let yourself ‘feel’ the loss you experienced as a result of a difficult life event.
EMDR is a great psychological method that can help you heal from your past traumatic experiences.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR) is a psychotherapy method that enables people to heal from difficult life events. Studies show that EMDR helps people heal much like talk therapy. (but in a shorter time)
Let’s say, for example, that your traumatic event was getting into $500K. You lost your home as a result due to not being able to make debt payments. That’s not only traumatic but downright scary.
A British study conducted by YouGov shows that having a significant amount of debt had a negative impact on the brain of youngsters aged 18-24.
81% of the participants in the group stated that their mental health was deeply impacted by debt. Moreover, 31% had to seek professional help for their mental health problems.
EMDR can help you form a different reaction to losing your home because of debt. You will have to connect with the feelings of loss you’ve experienced at that time and go through them as if the event is happening now. Once you’re done grieving, you’ll feel more relaxed and secure within yourself.
Letting go of negative emotions like anger, grief or sadness will help you relate better to your finances.
Truth is, we can only handle money through our emotions. We’re never neutral about money. We either enjoy money or hate and fear money. We either see making money as a burden or as a pleasant experience. But we are never indifferent towards money. That’s why it’s important to release the negative emotions from our subconscious mind regarding our past experiences.
Money Likes Confident and Laidback People
Money is energy. This is something that the majority of you know. What some of you don’t know is the fact that, from a law of attraction viewpoint, money goes to where positive emotions are.
Thus, if you’re calm and confident that things are working out for you and that money will show up, then that’s exactly what’s going to happen. The more trusting in the ‘energy of money’ you are, the easier it will be for you to make more money.
On the other hand, if you are desperate, in need of money, afraid that there’s never enough, then you’re gonna ‘push’ money away.
How is it possible?
Well, when you want something desperately, you’re either not going to get it or you’re going to get a negative version of it.
The mind is the culprit here. When the mind is clobbered by fear and anxiety, it has no ability to find rational solutions to your problems. The more afraid you become, the more problems you’re gonna attract to you.
It’s simple psychology. What you think of you attract over and over. For example, when your mind is thinking of a blue car for weeks in a row, you’re going to see blue cars every day. The same with debt. When your debt is on your mind 24/7 you’re going to get into more debt. What you can do instead is to stop the thoughts of debt. Ignore everything in your reality that reminds you of unpaid bills or creditors.
When you have managed to forget about your debt even for just a day, try meditation and breathing techniques. The point here is to get yourself in a very relaxed state in order to come up with lucrative solutions for paying off debt as soon as possible.
You can even re-create the meaning of debt by listening to the multi-millionaire coach and teacher Amanda Frances talking about debt.
She believes that it’s detrimental to your mindset to focus on debt. The more you focus on it, the less able you’ll be to recognize opportunities around you that may help you get rid of it.
Amanda is one of those teachers who preaches positive states of mind when it comes to money. This allows her students to feel worthy and empowered in spite of insurmountable debt or cringing poverty states.
The conclusion is that debt is good, money is neutral and your negative emotions will affect the way you see and handle money.
If you really understand that your emotions about yourself and the circumstances in your life decide your relationship with money, then you’ll understand how important it is to take care of those emotions and heal them for good.
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